Our perfect children

Today I would like to write about a topic that has been very close to my heart for a long time. I want to show you that children are perfect in their own way. They are not unfinished adults, they are just right in their developmental phase, just as they are. Their behavior, no matter how stressful it is for us as parents, makes sense for them to develop and to feel safe. Goethe appropriately said that children need roots and wings from their parents, i.e. security and development or growth (not only physically).

Let's stop seeing only the negative in our children. I can't hear it anymore: "But my child doesn't sleep through the night," " He can't fall asleep on his own," "I never get two minutes to myself," " She still doesn't walk," "He's still in diapers at three years old, how is this going to continue?", " He can't do this," "She can't do that," "He's all nonsense, can never hold still."

I think I could continue this list endlessly. Why are we so deficit oriented? Why don't we accept differences in development? Children are different, they have different interests and different personalities. So it's actually quite normal that one might learn to walk faster because he enjoys movement more. On the other hand, another may speak earlier because he is fascinated by speech.

Not all children develop in exactly the same way. For each behavior, there is a wide range in which it should be shown. And that is earlier for some children and later for others. Therefore we should not judge them, they are not worse children because of that. I could find deficits in every child if I wanted to. But a deficit is always a matter of interpretation. It is always related to my evaluation and understanding. But how many great things our children do and are already able to do, even how competent they are, is easily overlooked.

How about a different look diaper?

How about trying something new? How about not seeing our kids as unfinished for once? How about seeing and appreciating our children's abilities and resources? I'm just making a hypothesis here, but my guess is that we would all be happier. Isn't it incredibly exhausting to always find fault with something? Wouldn't we be much happier if we could see how our child is developing and how it can still admire everything in the world?

Maybe we should also ask ourselves if it is not simply our ideas that do not fit our baby? Maybe we should also ask ourselves what we can do differently to make it easier? If we criticize that we don't get enough sleep because the baby is constantly waking up at night (which just makes sense), why can't we also rest during the day or sleep while the baby sleeps? Why do we complain that we can't get anything done in everyday life because the baby doesn't want to be put down, when we could put him in the sling?

Only chocolate and no spinach!

We wonder that our children would love to eat chocolate and sweets all day long. And that they vehemently reject vegetables, especially if they are green, like spinach. But what is actually behind this? Why is it like that? Does it perhaps even make sense? Yes, it even makes a lot of evolutionary sense! Humans have only been sedentary and "safe" for a relatively short time, so our genes have not yet adapted to the "new" situation. They still think that food is not available all the time and that as many calories as possible are good once they are available. Who can say when there will be something to eat the next time? So it is not so surprising that chocolate is preferred. Green plants often meant that they are poisonous and bitter, which of course can be very dangerous. The aversion to it is now also no surprise.

Do not sleep alone!

"My child never wants to sleep alone, he prefers to fall asleep only at the breast while nursing." Now this too, as you probably figured, makes sense. Proximity means security. If you're alone, you could quickly be eaten by some animal, or so our genes tell us. Our Stone Age babies probably don't know that we sleep in safe apartments today, equipped with baby monitors and possibly a camera, when they come into the world.

In addition, we have to be full if we want to sleep. That is one of the basic requirements for falling asleep. Another basic requirement is relaxation. These two things are fulfilled with breastfeeding, as it involves much more than just taking in food. In fact, waking up regularly at night is also perfectly normal. Our babies and toddlers make sure they are not alone and that they are safe. We adults, by the way, usually wake up several times each night as well, only we usually fall back asleep so quickly that we don't even remember it the next morning.

Let's summarize

These are the thoughts that run through my head a lot. And I've given you just two examples here to show you why our kids' behavior, which we often find annoying or exhausting, makes sense. I don't like it when people talk negatively about kids all the time. Especially not in the presence of our children. How are they supposed to become independent and self-confident if all they ever hear is what they can't do yet and what they're doing wrong? Make your children strong. Show them the beautiful sides. Don't give them this defective view of others, because they will adopt it.

Look at the miracle of life in all its diversity!

The cover image comes from pixabay.com.