Anger in the belly (or parenting tips from others)

Honestly, I don't know where to start. I don't really know what I want to write. At the same time, there's this anger in my stomach that needs to come out. And it needs to come out more than just once.

We are visiting family in my home country right now and some of my relatives have gathered there. I know that we are quite far apart in our opinions about children and"education". But how far, I did not realize.

I hear statements like"A little crying never hurt anyone" and"Well, my daughter slept through the night from 8 to 8 when she was three months old. Inher own bed." But that's not what bothers me at all. I have my opinion on that. I think letting your baby cry it out is very harmful. No, I don't have to drop everything right away if it's not in danger.

And yet I don't have to delay calming it down and satisfying the need behind it. No, screaming does not strengthen the lungs. And yet, letting it scream does harm. I am convinced of that and science agrees with me. But I don't want to search out any studies now, that's not what I'm about. So I comment briefly and immediately I am ignored. And babies don't have to sleep through the night. They are not supposed to. There's a point to them not doing it.

I'm just terrified. Terrified of how deep it all runs. The fear of spoiling and that we might"spoil" our kids. How would we spoil our kids? No, my 6-month-old daughter doesn't sleep alone in her bed. When we play together in the evening or even during the day, she sleeps with me in the carrier, very close to me."Don't you get back pain?" No, it's comfortable. It's good for us! I can't spoil her like this.

"Isn't he," my son is 4.5 years old,"starting to fallasleep onhis own in his own bed?" No. He doesn't have to, as long as he doesn't want to. It's good for us! We can 't spoil our children with closeness or love. Where does this fear come from?

I have read that we make decisions either out of love or fear. I want to make my decisions out of love and I think I do for the most part. I don't understand all the criticism about it. Yes, I'm still young. And no, I don't know everything and I certainly don't have that much life experience. But would that really get me anywhere? Everyone has their own mountain of experience. I know that and I understand that. But then can't another opinion still be accepted? I don't understand it. And it makes me angry and sad.

All children grow up. That's true. In the vast majority of cases, anyway. I also don't want to claim that every child who had to scream, for example, has a trauma. I haven't studied psychology and current studies enough for that. And yet I would like to go a different way. A way with my children, not against them. A way in connection, in relationship. That is what I can do. And I am firmly convinced they will become wonderful adults. Adults with their own opinions, a sense of other people.

But maybe I'm wrong, but I'm doing my best. We all do.

The cover image comes from unsplash.com.