How cesarean scars can heal [Part 2].

As promised, here is the second part about the healing of cesarean scars. After I have illuminated the physical aspects in the first section, I will go into possible psychological consequences and healing possibilities here.

The psychological scar

By far not all cesarean sections are planned. For some the possibility is there, for others not. And then there are also those incision operations that are planned from the outset, regardless of the reason. Especially with secondary cesareans, unplanned cesareans, some women struggle with emotional consequences. So did I.

I felt like a failure, wanting to prove to everyone that "I can do this." I felt belittled and incompetent. I felt guilty toward my son for denying him the "best possible" birth. I cried and cried. Just the thought of giving birth was torture for me. From those around me came statements like, "It's all good now, isn't it?" or "It was the best solution." or "You're both healthy, what's wrong with you?" But all this did not make it better, on the contrary. I felt like I wasn't allowed to have this sadness and all the other feelings. As if they were wrong. But it felt right, it felt real.

Nora Imlau once wrote very appropriately about this, "It doesn't matter how we are born - or how we give birth" The statement implies so much that goes wrong in obstetrics, but it also says (I think) that we are allowed to be sad about it if it didn't go the way we wanted or imagined. We have a right to those feelings and they need to come out.

The first step for me was to accept the feelings. Yes, I am allowed to be angry, sad and disappointed. Yes, I am allowed to do all that! And then it helped me to stop looking for someone to blame. No one knows who is "to blame" if there is such a thing. We women always decide in the best possible way for our child and also for us. No matter for what reasons the C-section was ultimately done, it was always the best decision we could make in that situation because we only wanted the best.

That is hard to accept and embrace. I can hear that "BUT" in my head again, but there is just a point at the end here. I find it incredibly sad that c-section moms have to justify themselves so often. It doesn't make it any easier to process. What really makes it easier though, at least for me, is talking. I talked so much about the birth and my grief and each time it got a little easier. Yes, even today I still sometimes get tears when I talk about it, but they are justified.

I had the birth report copied at the birth center and discussed it with a doctor there. I discussed the birth report with a midwife and when I got pregnant again, I discussed it again with different midwives. The pain runs deep, but the scars are healing.

There are also some books that deal with the subject. For example, I read the book "Kaiserschnitt - Wie Narben an Bauch und Seele heilen". In some cities there are also self-help groups or consultation hours with psychiatrists or psychologists who deal with this specifically. If the pain is too deep, I would always recommend seeking professional help. There is no shame in it, it is just talked about far too little in society. Help can also be sought and found at associations such as Schatten & Licht e.V..

I have now sat for quite a long time on this article and have certainly forgotten some things. It also describes in large parts simply my own way and what has helped me to process the difficult experiences. If there are other things that helped you, I would be happy if you share them in a comment.

The cover image comes from unsplash.com.