Satisfied parents, satisfied children

How many of you parents do something for yourself on a regular basis? And by regularly, I don't mean once a month. I mean at least once a week, but preferably in little things every day. I often forget that and then I notice that I react more quickly every day, that I am annoyed by little things and get loud. I think that many parents, but more often moms, feel the same way. It just doesn't manifest itself in the same way for everyone.

I think we don't do ourselves any favors if we live only for our children and forget about ourselves. And we don't do our children any favors either if we completely relegate ourselves to the background, if we no longer pursue our hobbies, if we no longer see our friends and don't take time for a relaxing bath. What kind of role models would we be if we led such a life. Shouldn't we also show our children that we ourselves and therefore they themselves are important and that we stand up for our needs?

What is good for me?

When I am asked what would do me good right now, I sometimes don't even know what to say, what is actually going on inside me right now. Our own feelings and our own body are quickly ignored or at least put into the background. We pass over it far too quickly when we don't feel good about a decision. But in many cases, it is not another person who is going over it. It's ourselves. We think we have to be perfect, we have to function. But that's not true at all. Who is perfect anyway? What would life be worth if all we did was function? We would have no joy and no, by my definition, happiness.

What is good for me? So for that, I now have to embark on a journey. It helps me if I take a moment, or two, to reflect on myself. This is easier for me if I close my eyes. I listen to myself, perceive what I feel, what I sense. I just perceive it, but it is often not as easy as it sounds. How quickly we get into this pattern of wanting to evaluate our feelings and perceptions. But that is not the point. Anger and sadness are just as valid as joy and contentment.

So when I notice that I am not feeling well, what could help me to make it better. First of all, the feeling should get its space, it is allowed to be there and it has its justification. But what can I do for myself so that I feel better again, so that I am at "peace" with myself again? There are many possibilities. There are simple, short things that can help and are therefore certainly easier to implement in everyday life, and there are things that may take a little longer. Sometimes yoga helps me, sometimes a warm bath, a delicious meal or just a few minutes of conscious and deep breathing. I can't tell you what's good for you. No one can tell you. You have to find out for yourself.

But my child is much more important?

No, that's not true! Of course, your child is dependent on you in a certain way. Especially the needs of infants should be met as soon as possible. But that doesn't mean you are any less important. How can you accompany your child on his way if you are not well? I firmly believe that children have such fine antennae that they immediately sense when we, their primary attachment figure, are not doing well.

If we neglect our feelings permanently, this does not only mean that we might react more quickly in an irritable way. We may also be showing our children that bad feelings can be overplayed. But is that really what we want? Don't we rather want them to be allowed to be exactly the way they are with all their feelings? Suppressing (negative) feelings cannot do us any good. Yet we want to be happy. And even more than that, maybe we want our children to be happy. But for that they need all their feelings. That's why I think it's so important that we also take care of ourselves with our feelings and our needs. We are allowed to do something good for ourselves. Yes, we even have to. For ourselves and for our children!

The cover image comes from pixabay.com.