How I dealt with reactions to my home birth wish

Do you also know that every decision, every action is commented on by you? Everyone always adds their two cents. I find that quite exhausting. Before I got pregnant the first time, I never noticed it to such an extreme, but when it comes to pregnancy, childbirth and children, I always have to listen to other people's opinions, whether I like it or not. The only thing that helps so that doesn't happen is to say nothing. But even then, the comments often come unasked. Here I'll write down a few reactions I got when I told about my decision to have a home birth. It may be important to note that my first child was born by cesarean section. I will write down both negative and positive comments below.

"Isn't that way too dangerous?"

Or even "You will kill yourself and your baby." I got to hear statements like that every now and then. Depending on who was making these comments and how I was in the mood at the time, I tried to take the fears away or just ignore it. The worst I found was this statement from a female doctor from the hospital, who actually said that my decision was very rash and will cost us our lives very quickly.

I really understand such fears. At the same time, I do not make such a decision without being aware of the risks. I had talked to my gynecologist and various midwives about it and still thought it was the best way to deliver my child.

"Your scar will tear!"

Or even "What if the scar tears?" This refers to my c-section scar from the birth of my son. Yes, of course it can tear. Theoretically, it's possible. And that would suck, to put it bluntly. Then it would indeed be the case that my baby and I would quickly be in Lebensgefar. However, the risk of rupture is very low.

My last birth was about four years ago at the time, so everything was able to heal well. No abnormality was noted on the ultrasound and I was not planning on taking pain medication during labor, which would limit my feeling for this area. Also, my midwife assured me that there were several signs before such a tear and then she would act immediately.

Ultimately, I could bleed out on the way from the delivery room to the OR. I had no risk factors for rupture, so I decided to take the minimal risk.

"Glad you're taking care of yourself!"

That was more of a reaction I rarely heard. I heard it from people who knew me and my past very well. I felt like I wouldn't be able to open up to the hospital, wouldn't feel free, and because of that, the birth wouldn't go any further. I really gave it a lot of thought beforehand and found a home birth to be the only real option for me to bring my child into the world in a self-determined and natural way.

"Aren't you afraid?"

No, most of the time I wasn't afraid. I believed in myself and the strength and ability of my body to give birth. Sometimes I had doubts, but my husband always encouraged me and strengthened my decision.

"Don't you think it will be too noisy?"

Or even "What will the neighbors think?". Well, I think our neighbors, we live in a multi-family house, have eventually then also noticed that I am pregnant and can think their part. If not, they are welcome to ring the doorbell and my husband will tell them that a baby is just born. I didn't really care what they would think.

At the end of the day, logically, we talked to our neighbors about our desire to give birth at home and of course it was no problem for them at all.

I think that's really brave. I couldn't.

That goes a little bit with previous questions. I don't think my decision is brave. I just know myself pretty well by now and I know what I need and what's good for me. And that includes a familiar environment and familiar people during birth. Everyone knows best for himself or herself what does him or her good and can thus make his or her own decision. My choice of birthplace doesn't have to suit anyone else but only myself.

Does your midwife have special training for home births?

No. Why should she? Midwives are primarily specialists for natural births, and that includes home birth s. There is no need for further training.

As far as I remember, these were the most frequent or most comical comments I heard.

What were comments about choosing your birthplace?

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