Waiting for the birth sucks

I'm 40 weeks pregnant tomorrow and I don't feel like it anymore. I really don't. It's not that I'm not doing well. On the contrary, everything is actually great and that's why it's not. Sure, it's getting a bit more tiring and I'm also lying down more often, tired a lot and all, but waiting just sucks.

And I don't like waiting anymore. For almost two weeks now, I've been thinking to myself, "Well, now it could really start." I'm happy about every contraction, but so far it's always just been sink or practice contractions. Significantly more and with more force than they were with Noah. Felt. It's probably just my imagination. In the meantime, at least everything has been clarified for the birth, where many questions were still open for a long time. That makes it easier. But the waiting still makes me crazy. The ceiling is falling on my head and I'm always wavering between being active and resting.

I also want to finally sleep on my stomach again. I hate this stupid side position, which is also only bearable with side sleeper pillows. I want to carry again. I want my body back. I don't want the constant kicks to the ribs and stomach anymore. And yet, I also know that I will miss it right after the birth already.

At the same time, I'm also grateful for the time I can still spend in peace with my husband and son. We enjoy cuddle moments, quiet afternoons playing games or series evenings. And I am infinitely grateful to my son for giving me so much space. I'm incredibly proud of him for how involved he is, how much he's learning at the moment and what he's interested in. I'm sure I'll miss these moments just with him a lot, too.

And then I ask myself: can I do this? Can I be there for two children? Can I "spread my love around?" Can I do it again with a baby? Or will I be completely overwhelmed? Can I give this child as much love as I do Noah? And how will it be with him? Will he understand? How will he handle this new situation? So many questions that I just can't answer right now... But I guess I'll see what time brings.

And there again, the waiting sucks. I'm not the most patient person and at the same time I know the baby will come when he's ready. The time will come. Inevitably. Then there will be four of us. That's what Noah would say right now. And actually, I'm really looking forward to this journey.